A Childhood Decision Was Running My Life Into The Ground
A business coach once said to me, “You can’t read the label from inside the jar”. That statement has stuck with me for years. I say it to clients myself, on the regular.
“What Does That Say?”
In a nutshell the phrase means that we can’t see what’s transpiring when we’re in the thick of it (in the jar). From relationships, to business, to perimenopause, when we’re smack dab in the middle of it, it is challenging to gain perspective (read the label).
The “jar”, also referred to as the “box”, is our ego. That part of us that came about in response to some variable on the theme of anger, sadness, or shame as a child.
Something happened to us and our, let’s say 5-year-old self, made a decision about others and the world-at-large in response. A decision that served us then (we survived), but most likely sabotages us now.
We all do it, but it’s something we don’t talk about. Like so many things that actually matter in life.
We have never been taught how to take inventory of past experiences and the emotional residue left behind (unresolved trauma). We carry that stuff with us everywhere we go.
The term “baggage” is so spot on!
Prior to doing my own inner work, which is a continual work in progress, I was lugging around a full set of Samsonites. I’ve got a carry-on and a backpack now. Much progress has been made, and more is yet to come.
I study Dr. Joe Dispenza’s work intensively. As he so succinctly states, “Most people try to create a new personal reality as the same personality and it is impossible.”
He further elaborates that if we want to create a new personal reality, then we have to start thinking about what we’ve been thinking about and change our inner narrative.
Journey to My Whole-Self
Enter the Enneagram. I was originally introduced to this piece of ancient wisdom some 20-plus years ago, but I lumped it in with all the other “personality typing” shenanigans and dismissed it.
I was in no way ready to embrace its wisdom. But had I known then what I know now, my life would have been radically different. As would the lives of my children.
It’s for them that I rolled up my sleeves and started the work. It’s for me that I continue doing it today.
Until I shifted my mindset and approached the Enneagram as a tool to help me better understand what makes me tick and what makes me a ticking time bomb, my wounded child (my ego) was at the wheel.
As I shifted in healing, so much unfolded for me. It was as if the Divine Feminine said gently, “Let go, I’ve got you”.
Something I so desperately needed to hear.
I’d been rejected and dismissed by those who are supposed to love me. Both my parents, at different life stages, turned their backs on me. One as a child and one when I was pregnant with my third daughter who is 18 now.
Those experiences had a profound and lasting effect that crippled me emotionally and sabotaged my every relationship.
Making My Healing My Highest Priority
When we are more holistically congruent, in our thoughts, in our behaviors, and in our intent, all we bring to the world is congruent as well. I can honestly say, I had the best intentions in all I did.
I have always wanted to help people heal from their hurt. I understand myself and my past so well now that I deeply comprehend why that desire has charted the entire course of my life.
The first half of my career as a holistic chiropractor focused on the physical aspect of people’s pain. I assisted thousands over the years, but found often that for some, the emotional pain could override what was no longer physically present.
That always stumped me. How some could look and perform physical tests perfectly, but still have crippling pain.
Through my own healing, I now comprehend better the connection between body and mind. And it is why I focus my work where I do now, at the intersection of the head, the heart, and the body.
Aligning Our Head, Heart, And Body
Pairing my newly-gained perimenopause perspective with decades of experience in the holistic healing field led to a discovery I call the KNOW ● FEEL ● DO Methodology. It is how we align our heads, our hearts, and our bodies.
In a nutshell, the KNOW ● FEEL ● DO Methodology is a framework that helps you unravel your experiences, shed that which no longer serves you, lean into what does, and pursue the missing pieces of your personal development puzzle.
It takes the form of a trio of circles that when overlapped, as in a Venn diagram, they form an area in which you can hone in to then get to work.
KNOW: The KNOW portion of the methodology has to do with the intelligence that resides in our heads. The thinking, the knowing, the understanding of it all; that type of intelligence.
FEEL: The FEEL portion of the methodology has to do with the intelligence residing in our hearts. The feeling, the emoting, the empathizing; those are some of the qualities we house in our hearts.
DO: The third part of our trio is the DO portion. This is the type of intelligence that resides in our bodies; in our gut, at our core; it’s the intelligence we feel deep within. We just know it to be true.
Tapping Into The Collective Wisdom Of Women
Women are stronger together. And our strength is derived from our collective wisdom and expressed through our voice. A voice that’s amplified when women join together in community, arms linked with those who support women in all aspects of our lives.
To change the narrative around our evolution as women, we must talk about the things we just don’t talk about. One such topic is our menopause.
Menopause is a taboo subject yet when you think about it, and it makes zero sense to label a natural, in-born transition in life as such.
Every single person born female will experience their menopause. (When they are blessed to live long enough.)
Some through surgical interventions. Others of us through the natural transition that begins with perimenopause. A stage in life that can take us by surprise, as I very candidly shared in my recent article aptly named, “Silently Slipping Into A Deafening Echo Chamber”.
As a result of my personal experience, I created the Unraveling Together Community. An online information hub and co-working community where midlife women connect and pursue a more holistic approach to our changing bodies and minds.
We focus on our wellbeing, our metabolism, and our menopause experience during as well as after we hit that magical milestone. Through masterclasses and co-working sessions, we cultivate more meaning in our individual lives while tapping into the collective wisdom of women.
A Bit About Me
If you’re new to me, I’m Samantha “Dr. Sam” Graber.
I’m an author, podcast host, keynote speaker, and a Holistic Perimenopause Strategist for women who are ready to stop sacrificing their health and wellbeing as they relentlessly pursue success.
It is not an either/or scenario for them. It is a both/and.
I advise forward-thinking organizations on wellbeing and menopause related policy creation, and provide their workforce with online resources as well as small group coaching.
The organizations I choose to work with are ready to up their level of support for the women in their ecosystem. From the private sector to the publicly-funded, as well as nonprofits, these entities value the collective wisdom of women. And they want to retain the leadership and talent lost all too often because women lack the resources needed to optimize their wellbeing. Therefore, they are left with no other choice than to seek support elsewhere.
I help organizations empower women, by choice.
After a multi-decade career as a holistic chiropractor, I’ve orchestrated my own transformation from burnt out doc to impassioned community curator.
Where To Find Me Online