Breaking Out Of Self-Judgment Purgatory When You’re A Midlife Woman In Business
This 8-Part Unraveling Together Blog series is “a must read” if you are a woman in your late 30s or beyond and you’re realizing there are some changes happening in your body, mind, and emotions that have you second guessing whether “everything is okay”. Take the next few minutes for yourself by reading this issue and grabbing my Top 10 Tips To Jumpstart Your Sluggish Metabolism.
As time passes and you’ve been intently focused on your career, you may have unintentionally taken your eye off your health and wellbeing. It’s not unheard of when we’re dedicated to our work. What we intend to be a brief diversion can turn into years when we’re in hot pursuit of our goals and dreams.
Tell me if you’ve ever told yourself this…
“When I reach ‘this’ goal, I’ll get back to eating healthier. For now, I’ve got to make this happen.”
“When I reach ‘that’ goal, I’ll start back at the gym. I can’t do that and meet all the needs of my clients. I can get back on track later.”
Or maybe this sounds familiar?
“I’ll take time to relax when I’ve got my business running smoothly. Until then, I’ll just have to deal with the mounting stress and the sleepless nights. That’s why they made wine.”
At one point or another in my past, I have sold myself some version of each and every one of these lines. I was so immersed in my work, I put myself and my wellbeing at the bottom of my priorities list, year after year.
Oh, I knew better, but I did it anyway. I was hustling for my worth like most every other successful woman I knew at the time. We were expected to be nothing less than everything, so we aimed so high we were bound to fall flat. (This is a topic for another day…)
I was exhausted mentally and physically.
I was carrying around an extra 40 pounds of fat and losing muscle tone, not to mention strength. The saying “if you don’t use it you lose it” isn’t well-known for nothing. I was stressed to the max yet portraying to the world-at-large that I was okay, when I was anything but.
I thought I could get away with it, but “it” eventually caught up with me.
Mine showed up at my waistline, physically. And manifested mentally by flipping my wake/sleep rhythm which led to a whole host of unwanted issues. One being that I couldn’t sleep at night due to a racing mind and my brain was in a fog most of the day so I always felt behind that proverbial 8-ball.
I took my eye off the importance of taking care of myself while I was building my business. At a time when I needed to be building in more self-care, I was taking it away.
Now I’m not referring to getting my nails done, or my hair colored, or the occasional “Girls Night Out”, I’m talking about true self-care. The kind of care that is nourishing of self: body, mind and spirit.
That’s what I faced from the constant go-go-go pace I was trying to keep up.
And the constant grind may be catching up with you too.
If you’ve sold yourself any of those lines like I did, you’re about to be overcome with a deep sense of knowing that you are in the right place, reading the right message, from the right person, at the right time.
Self-Judgment Purgatory…Right Where The Big 3 Want You!
One of many consults that sticks out is one with a woman who wanted to lose “about 50 pounds”. She weighed 190 pounds at 5-feet-5-inches tall. She carried most of her mass below her beltline. She’d been built like that most of her adult life, since having kids. It had been about 25 years by the time we met.
Within 5 minutes of speaking with her, she started verbally beating up on herself.
“I have no discipline. I have no self-control.
I am lazy.
I never finish a diet I start…hell, I don’t finish anything I start anymore. I’ve bought so many weight loss programs and still can’t get this weight off [sic].”
I had to interrupt her. I have a strict “No-Negative Self-Talk Permitted” Policy. You see, I myself am in recovery from a self-imposed, self-judgment purgatory. I can spot it a mile away and will call it to the mat every time I hear it.
Her self-judgment default button is not uncommon. In fact, I hear it all the time.
We’ve been taught that prioritizing ourselves is selfish and that being overweight is a character flaw. Now this “character flaw” dialogue is more complex and sinister at its root than it appears at first glance. In essence, we’re either a glutton or a sloth. We’re weak, and we lack that something that a trim & fit person naturally has.
And good grief if the “selfish” convo isn’t the quickest way to gut a woman, making her feel like she is failing in every way: as a mother, as a spouse, as a business leader, as a lover, as a human basically.
Big Pharma, Big Food and the obesity profiteers (the Big 3) love to keep us dissatisfied and frustrated while fanning the flames of our self-judgment purgatory for being so “weak”.
This is where the BIG money is Baby!
They market their latest shakes, bars, green drinks (any color drinks), patches, energy boosters and other shenanigans to us. All ridiculously overpriced mind you, but we buy them because we’ve been conditioned that there is something (broken) in us and that we need something from the outside to (fix) us.
We’ve got to deprive ourselves by drinking their elixirs and choking down their meal replacements because we are not deserving of joy from food. For we are gluttons, right?
This apparent conditioning is the Great Betrayal! And it is complete and total BULLS#!T.
War & Peace
The psychological and biochemical warfare we’ve waged with our body brings with it a great deal of collateral damage. Collateral damage that catches up with us in midlife.
We spend years despising ourselves thinking we are weak and undeserving of love, joy and any other thing of which we deem ourselves unworthy. All because we didn’t know this information, and didn’t have a strategy to manage our weight (body composition) in a healthy way.
We waged war…the body wants peace.
Let’s Have A Heart-To-Heart…
How many times have you started a “diet” but then you got off track and quit? A couple, 5, 10…? If you’re like most people I’ve met, there are too many to count.
Have you noticed a recurring theme?
The main character present at each production?
The recurring theme is looking to some program or product for the answer. The main character is you and your propensity to look outside yourself for the answer.
I like to get right to the heart of the matter. It’s what a good coach does for her client.
I’m going to save you ridiculous amounts of money with this nugget right here…the answer lies within you. 100% of the time.
You don’t need some overpriced product, nor some fancy piece of exercise equipment to “finally succeed”.
Every single thing you need lies within. You just need to tap into it. And you do that by consistently putting a simple strategy to work.
Today Is The Day
You have subscribed to the right newsletter if you’re like my client CB. For this is the day you can end the war with your body, just as she did. And you’ll do it with real food.
None of those over-priced pills, powders or potions passed off as the next best proprietary thing. They’re all hype and very little help.
You didn’t realize this was THE day, did you? You thought you were reading another article by a seasoned doc who’s written yet another “diet book”…oh no, no, no…
You see, I can boldly proclaim that it is the day that can change the direction of your entire life. And you are just the person to do it.
It won’t be me. I will guide you…but you will do the work.
I’ve done the heavy lifting as far as the research (countless hours), the beta-testing (five years and counting), the expert interviews, the writing and the simplifying of the complexities of human metabolism (oy vey)…so you don’t need to give those things much thought. I’ve got you covered.
Where you’ll go to work is on implementing the strategy. This strategy works. Time after time. Person after person. And it will work for you.
Now, do it FOR you…and you alone. Sure, others will benefit, but you are the ultimate beneficiary of your life, and you must be the primary driver for it as well.
Here’s Where You Start
First, you have to admit to yourself that you’ve unintentionally taken your eye off your health and wellbeing. It’s okay to admit to yourself that you made an error. We make many along the path to success, it’s part of the journey.
No matter the justification for doing so, the fact is you haven’t been as attentive to your own self and your own needs. As women we’re programmed from the time we’re little girls to put everyone else first, so it is no wonder you’ve adopted this way of thinking.
The followup to that is you’ve got to acknowledge that if you knew what to do and could do it on your own, you’d be doing it right now. So, since you’re not, it’s time to seek a new solution to help you relocate from that much-too-crowded back burner.
The 12 Step Strategy For A Body & Brain That Just Won’t Quit is the solution. This strategy tackles the physical, mental, and emotional parts of the solution to a body and brain that are failing to keep up with what you need them to do.
You’ve more than likely tried other programs. Most everyone who eventually finds their way to me has. If this is you, I understand you may be hesitant, resistant even, when it comes to opening your mind to something else.
I hear you, and I truly understand how you feel.
Most programs or courses include the “what to do” to some degree. But all too often they miss the mark on the mental and emotional aspects which are critical to your future success; the “why” behind the what to do.
People are afraid to “go there.” I am not. I dive in head first!! Because if you don’t handle that, lasting change is a pipedream.
We will “go there” in the next issue of UNconventional Wisdom in which I will reveal 3 critical steps of the 12 Step Strategy For A Body & Brain That Just Won’t Quit. Follow me to be sure you don’t miss that issue.
In the meantime, you can jump ahead by grabbing my Top 10 Tips To Jumpstart Your Sluggish Metabolism.