{"id":1297,"date":"2023-01-16T22:21:38","date_gmt":"2023-01-16T22:21:38","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/drsamgraber.com\/?p=1297"},"modified":"2023-01-17T20:30:54","modified_gmt":"2023-01-17T20:30:54","slug":"awash-in-stress-wading-in-past-trauma-and-clinging-to-the-side-of-the-hormone-pool","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/drsamgraber.com\/awash-in-stress-wading-in-past-trauma-and-clinging-to-the-side-of-the-hormone-pool\/","title":{"rendered":"Awash In Stress, Wading In Past Trauma, And Clinging To The Side Of The Hormone Pool"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

Do you ever picture a woman <\/strong>when you hear the term \u201cmidlife crisis<\/strong>\u201d?  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Me neither.  A vision of some midlife dude with a comb-over, gold chain, leased hotrod, and his way-too-young babe of the week in the passenger seat always came to mind. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In fact, until I read a seminal piece<\/strong> by my virtual-BFF Bren\u00e9 Brown<\/strong>, I couldn\u2019t relate<\/strong> to anything remotely similar to comb-over man and his hot babe in the passenger seat.  (Side note:  gentlemen with comb-overs, please get rid of them. No woman finds them attractive.  I get it, you\u2019re trying to cling to your once gorgeous locks.  But I assure you, you are more than your hair.  Embrace the evolution.)<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Midlife Freefall Of Epic Proportions<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Even when I was smack dab<\/strong> in the middle <\/strong>of something between what I then understood a midlife crisis<\/strong> to be and a total freaking mental breakdown<\/strong>, I didn\u2019t see<\/strong> anything anywhere that described even a glimmer of what I was going through.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was in a midlife freefall<\/strong> of sorts until I read a May 2018 blog post from Bren\u00e9 titled \u201cThe Midlife Unraveling<\/a>\u201d.  After then, the freefall descent slowed a bit and I got my bearings <\/strong>somewhat back.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

In that blog post, she described perfectly<\/strong> what I was going through. (Doesn\u2019t she always?)  And as a result, she forever changed <\/strong>the way I viewed myself<\/strong> and what I was experiencing for the better part of the previous two years<\/strong>.  The following excerpts sum it up:.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cAs it turns out, I was right about one thing\u2014to call what happens at midlife \u2018a crisis\u2019 is bullshit. A <\/em>crisis <\/em><\/strong>is an intense, short-lived, acute, easily identifiable, and defining event that can be controlled and managed.  <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Midlife is not a crisis. Midlife is an <\/em>unraveling<\/em><\/strong>.  By definition, you can\u2019t control or manage an unraveling.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n

\n
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\u201cWhatever the issue, it seems as if we spend the first half of our lives shutting down feelings to stop the hurt and the second half trying to open everything back up to heal the hurt.\u201d <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Failed Attempts At Triage<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

It was as if my heart <\/strong>was literally breaking open <\/strong>and all the past hurt<\/strong> was seeping out<\/strong>.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I couldn\u2019t stop it.  <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I tried to triage <\/strong>it myself, yet all attempts failed\u2026miserably<\/strong>.  Nobody I knew was talking <\/strong>about these kinds of feelings<\/strong> or the physical changes <\/strong>that rode shotgun.  <\/strong>When and if they were, they were leaning on me<\/strong> to help process their emotions and vulnerabilities<\/strong>.  In my circles, I\u2019m \u201cthat gal\u201d.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

When everyone leans on you, who do you turn to? <\/em> <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My friends and clients call me \u201cThe Strong One<\/strong>\u201d.  Even as I was in a tailspin<\/strong>, I kept up the facade.  There was no room<\/strong> not to.  When I exposed <\/strong>my vulnerability to someone their discomfort <\/strong>was palpable<\/strong>.  That shut <\/strong>me right up<\/strong>, right quick! <\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cThe Strong One\u201d…pssshht<\/strong>\u2026if they only knew how much of a friggin\u2019 mess<\/strong> I was on the inside.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Why do we feel like we need to keep up the charade<\/strong> even when our hearts <\/strong>are breaking open<\/strong>?  Is \u201cstrong<\/strong>\u201d really the end goal<\/strong>?  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

At that point in my life I was exhausted<\/strong>; emotionally, physically, and spiritually drained.  I had nothing left <\/strong>in me.  And I was marinating <\/strong>in shame <\/strong>because I \u201cshould\u201d power through<\/strong> it like I did every other thing in my life.  Just like a modern, independent Wonder Woman<\/strong>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

To add to my \u201cshould-fest<\/strong>\u201d, I am a seasoned holistic doc with (then) 25 years of patient care under my belt, though expanding at that time…and I was totally blindsided <\/strong>by what started happening to my own body and brain <\/strong>(not to mention my emotions<\/strong>) right around the 45 year marker.  <\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n

Deaf To My Own Cries For Help<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Despite all the physiology and psychology education<\/strong> I had under my belt, I was ignorant <\/strong>to my own<\/strong> cries for help<\/strong>.  I wasn\u2019t familiar with their tone, nor their tempo.  I\u2019d fallen deaf <\/strong>to them after decades of ignoring <\/strong>them to serve everyone else.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I didn\u2019t piece together my up-and-down emotions <\/strong>with my changing periods<\/strong>, the rapid heartbeat <\/strong>that visited at the most inopportune moments, and the flushing <\/strong>of my neck and cheeks wherever I had a rise or fall in my emotional experience as perimenopause<\/strong>.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That phrase \u201cHindsight is 20\/20<\/strong>\u201d is a well-known phrase for a reason.  And I am a walking, talking example of how it applies to perimenopause<\/strong>.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019d not even thought perimenopause <\/strong>could be the cause <\/strong>for my pending breakdown* <\/strong>as well as the other things <\/strong>I was newly experiencing.  I thought I was literally losing it.  In all honesty, and I hate to admit <\/strong>it now, all I could manage to think was, \u201cI don\u2019t have the luxury of a breakdown for crying out loud.  I\u2019ve got too much sh*t to get done!\u201d<\/em>  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

So, like everything else in my life, I put my head <\/strong>down, stuffed my emotions<\/strong>, <\/strong>and got to work<\/strong>.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

That is until I hit rock bottom<\/strong> and found myself in a real mess<\/strong>.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

You see, there is no powering through perimenopause<\/strong>.  Oh you can try<\/strong>, but good luck pulling it off.  In fact, in my experience, the more <\/strong>we try to power through<\/strong>, the more peri pushes back<\/strong>.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My Source Of Suffering<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

During one of my spiritual pleadings <\/strong>early on in this transition, I vowed that I would not let another woman suffer <\/strong>through perimenopause like I was, if I just made it through it!  Ever pray to the porcelain gods<\/strong>?  It was like that but the nauseating <\/strong>head-spinning feeling did not end in 24 hours or less…<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was having a very difficult <\/strong>go at it and looking back, I\u2019m not sure how I held on<\/strong> in the beginning.  I\u2019m still in the throes of peri<\/strong>, but I am no longer suffering<\/strong>, nor am I going it alone<\/strong>.  And you <\/strong>don\u2019t have to either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I found that the source of my suffering was awash in stress<\/strong>, wading in past trauma<\/strong>, and clinging for dear life to the side of the hormone <\/strong>pool.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Once I dialed in<\/strong> a workable approach to all three aspects<\/strong> at the core of my suffering, I began to heal, really heal<\/strong>.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019ve experienced, and continue to experience, the kind of healing <\/strong>I\u2019d only flirted with before.  I thought I was \u201cdoing the work\u201d by attending seminar <\/strong>after seminar, reading book <\/strong>after book, and taking course <\/strong>after course.  I was just rearranging the furniture <\/strong>in a hoarder\u2019s house.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

If I only <\/strong>knew then what I know now.  <\/p>\n\n\n

\n
\"\"<\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n

When I got my head<\/strong>, my heart<\/strong>, <\/strong>and my body <\/strong>into congruence<\/strong>, the suffering stopped<\/strong>. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It took a few years to match up<\/strong> the seemingly unrelated pieces<\/strong>. And when they lined up, I had an original keepsake<\/strong> much like a patchwork quilt<\/strong> that tells my story and keeps my past where it belongs: in the past. <\/strong>  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

What\u2019s Unfolding For You?<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Once I found the underlying pattern <\/strong>for unraveling <\/strong>myself, the suffering <\/strong>had no place<\/strong> to take up residence.  There is no suffering<\/strong> when we understand <\/strong>what is happening to<\/strong> us <\/strong>and unfolding for us <\/strong>in midlife.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We still experience <\/strong>a whole range of emotions<\/strong>, but suffering doesn\u2019t register<\/strong> as one of them. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

There\u2019s this underlying feeling of peace<\/strong> despite what transpires around me.  It\u2019s the most beautiful <\/strong>feeling I\u2019d never known existed until I worked through <\/strong>what needed working through.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In my experienced opinion<\/strong>, we have two ways to approach <\/strong>our midlife unraveling<\/strong>: proactively <\/strong>and reactively<\/strong>.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

I did the reactive way, so I can tell you that doesn\u2019t work<\/strong>, not in the least. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The <\/em>proactive <\/em><\/strong>approach is the way to go.  <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Whether you\u2019re in the throes of peri <\/strong>or she\u2019s on <\/strong>the horizon<\/strong>, you can make a proactive shift<\/strong>.  If menopause <\/strong>is behind you and you\u2019re still reeling <\/strong>from some of the emotional fallout<\/strong>, you can proactively unravel <\/strong>what remains.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Creating From Cosmic Agreements<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Walking alongside <\/strong>other women as they set about on their proactive unraveling <\/strong>is where you\u2019ll find me now. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

My spiritual pleadings and cosmic agreement<\/strong> led me to create a unique community <\/strong>in which women can roll up their sleeves and do their inner work<\/strong>.  Until we better understand what makes us tick <\/strong>and what makes us a ticking time bomb<\/strong>, we have little hope of true connection <\/strong>with others.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

The way Bren\u00e9 hones <\/strong>right in on the spirit<\/strong> of the experience I was having back in the two year blur from 2016 – 2018 is why she is among my short list of virtual BFFs.  (Mel Robbins is right up there with her.) Bren\u00e9 <\/strong>inspires me on many levels, and that is why I pay homage <\/strong>to her by naming this community<\/strong>, \u201cUnraveling Together\u201d<\/strong>.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Learn more<\/strong> about this growing community of rebellious midlife women at https:\/\/www.unravelingtogether.com\/<\/a>.  If you jive with our vibe, join us!  Every woman+ <\/strong>is welcome <\/strong>at our collective table.  We\u2019ll keep a seat open for you.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

*I thought it was a breakdown at that time, only to realize I was on the verge of a breakthrough.   <\/p>\n\n\n\n

A Bit About Me<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

If you\u2019re new to me, I\u2019m Samantha \u201cDr. Sam\u201d Graber.  <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I\u2019m an author, podcast host, keynote speaker, and a Holistic Perimenopause Strategist for women who are ready to stop sacrificing their health and wellbeing as they relentlessly pursue success.  <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

It is not an either\/or scenario for them.  It is a both\/and. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I advise forward-thinking organizations on wellbeing and menopause related policy creation, and provide their workforce with online resources as well as small group coaching.  <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

The organizations I choose to work with are ready to up their level of support for the women in their ecosystem. From the private sector to the publicly-funded, as well as nonprofits, these entities value the collective wisdom of women. And they want to retain the leadership and talent lost all too often because women lack the resources needed to optimize their wellbeing. Therefore, they are left with no other choice than to seek support elsewhere. <\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

I help organizations empower women, by choice.<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

After a multi-decade career as a holistic chiropractor, I\u2019ve orchestrated my own transformation from burnt out doc to impassioned community curator. <\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do you ever picture a woman when you hear the term \u201cmidlife crisis\u201d?   Me neither.  A vision of some midlife dude with a comb-over, gold chain, leased hotrod, and his way-too-young babe of the week in the passenger seat always came to mind.  In fact, until I read a seminal piece by my virtual-BFF Bren\u00e9…<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4,"featured_media":1299,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"libsyn-item-id":0,"libsyn-show-id":0,"libsyn-post-error":"","libsyn-post-error_post-type":"","libsyn-post-error_post-permissions":"","libsyn-post-error_api":"","playlist-podcast-url":"","libsyn-episode-thumbnail":"","libsyn-episode-widescreen_image":"","libsyn-episode-blog_image":"","libsyn-episode-background_image":"","libsyn-post-episode-category-selection":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_use_thumbnail":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_use_theme":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_height":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_width":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_placement":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_use_download_link":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_use_download_link_text":"","libsyn-post-episode-player_custom_color":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-explicit":"","libsyn-post-episode":"","libsyn-post-episode-update-id3":"","libsyn-post-episode-release-date":"","libsyn-post-episode-simple-download":"","libsyn-release-date":"","libsyn-post-update-release-date":"","libsyn-is_draft":"","libsyn-new-media-media":"","libsyn-post-episode-subtitle":"","libsyn-new-media-image":"","libsyn-post-episode-keywords":"","libsyn-post-itunes":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-episode-number":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-season-number":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-episode-type":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-episode-title":"","libsyn-post-episode-itunes-episode-author":"","libsyn-destination-releases":"","libsyn-post-episode-advanced-destination-form-data":"","libsyn-post-episode-advanced-destination-form-data-enabled":"","libsyn-post-episode-advanced-destination-form-data-input-enabled":false,"libsyn-post-episode-premium_state":"","libsyn-episode-shortcode":"","libsyn-episode-embedurl":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[144,147,146,133],"tags":[],"acf":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/drsamgraber.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1297"}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/drsamgraber.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/drsamgraber.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/drsamgraber.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/4"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/drsamgraber.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1297"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/drsamgraber.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1297\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1303,"href":"https:\/\/drsamgraber.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1297\/revisions\/1303"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/drsamgraber.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/1299"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/drsamgraber.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1297"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/drsamgraber.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1297"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/drsamgraber.com\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1297"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}